I had a rough morning. I can’t say that anything happened that made it a rough morning, in fact it is a beautiful day, I woke up early and actually got up to enjoy my coffee with some online scrabble and #bttoronto and the regular morning body ache was not particularly distressing.
Then my phone rang, at 8:05, business call, and it was like someone jabbed a dagger into the back of neck, right at the base of my skull. My husband is away and I am holding the fort all alone, to say I’m stressed out would be an understatement.
Seriously, can someone please tell me why I am always in pain? Yes I have arthritis and have had it for several years now, but this pain is different. It is like every molecule that makes up my body is screaming. It sometimes starts in my back, sometimes in my hip, sometimes in my head/neck, but wherever it starts, within an hour or so it is all consuming. I practice yoga, restorative, yin yoga for the most part, it helps me relax and get to sleep but I wake up and do the pain cycle all over again, every day. It is wearing me down. I am not myself. A doctor told me to up my electrolytes and magnesium. Done that. No dif.
I just can’t accept that this may be it, the story of the rest of my life. My mother has fibromyalgia, she has accepted this diagnosis as the story of her life since her forties. I have never wanted to be like my mother in any way. I hate when people say I look like her or sound like her, I hate being compared to her at all. I don’t hate my mom, don’t get me wrong, but everyday this pain makes me think of her, feel for her and feel like her and that just makes me even more irritable!
So….I’m hoping if I post it to the blogosphere that I am going to do something about it, I may actually feel compelled to hold myself accountable! Here’s my plan from today forward.
- Follow The Plan by Lyn Genet, I did this for a couple of weeks before I went to Mexico in March, and noticed that it definitely alerted me to things that were causing inflammation in my every day (so called healthy) diet. It is truly inconvenient to have to bake my own flax cereal, but if I can have less pain, I will suck it up.
- Meditate EVERY DAY in the middle of the work day – this is so hard for me to do, even though I know how good it is for me. Why in the middle of the day? I know I can’t just go to sleep!
- Post every day about how I feel. I don’t want to send out negative thoughts so I think if I have to post that I don’t feel good, it will force me to feel better.
- Dance! Even for just 5 minutes a day. Who doesn’t feel good when they dance?
Wish me luck Universe!