So I said I would post everyday and I feel pretty good today, to be totally honest. I haven’t managed to have my meditation break, but I have been very busy today and yet I am not all inflamed and stiff as I usually am. There really is something to “The Plan”! I took some advil nighttime yesterday and I think it really helped as well because I actually woke up today and didn’t feel 90! I really should go sit and breathe and meditate right this minute, but the lure of the television is going to get me…its almost time for the 6 o’clock news!
I suppose it will just be more on our crack smoking mayor and money grubbing senators, but it’s a routine I enjoy, the end of the day, time for a glass of wine, maybe an appetizer (celery and homemade hummus), and just flaking out till I get dinner on the go again. I will meditate later…I promise me!
I had a rough morning. I can’t say that anything happened that made it a rough morning, in fact it is a beautiful day, I woke up early and actually got up to enjoy my coffee with some online scrabble and #bttoronto and the regular morning body ache was not particularly distressing.
Then my phone rang, at 8:05, business call, and it was like someone jabbed a dagger into the back of neck, right at the base of my skull. My husband is away and I am holding the fort all alone, to say I’m stressed out would be an understatement.
Seriously, can someone please tell me why I am always in pain? Yes I have arthritis and have had it for several years now, but this pain is different. It is like every molecule that makes up my body is screaming. It sometimes starts in my back, sometimes in my hip, sometimes in my head/neck, but wherever it starts, within an hour or so it is all consuming. I practice yoga, restorative, yin yoga for the most part, it helps me relax and get to sleep but I wake up and do the pain cycle all over again, every day. It is wearing me down. I am not myself. A doctor told me to up my electrolytes and magnesium. Done that. No dif.
I just can’t accept that this may be it, the story of the rest of my life. My mother has fibromyalgia, she has accepted this diagnosis as the story of her life since her forties. I have never wanted to be like my mother in any way. I hate when people say I look like her or sound like her, I hate being compared to her at all. I don’t hate my mom, don’t get me wrong, but everyday this pain makes me think of her, feel for her and feel like her and that just makes me even more irritable!
So….I’m hoping if I post it to the blogosphere that I am going to do something about it, I may actually feel compelled to hold myself accountable! Here’s my plan from today forward.
- Follow The Plan by Lyn Genet, I did this for a couple of weeks before I went to Mexico in March, and noticed that it definitely alerted me to things that were causing inflammation in my every day (so called healthy) diet. It is truly inconvenient to have to bake my own flax cereal, but if I can have less pain, I will suck it up.
- Meditate EVERY DAY in the middle of the work day – this is so hard for me to do, even though I know how good it is for me. Why in the middle of the day? I know I can’t just go to sleep!
- Post every day about how I feel. I don’t want to send out negative thoughts so I think if I have to post that I don’t feel good, it will force me to feel better.
- Dance! Even for just 5 minutes a day. Who doesn’t feel good when they dance?
Wish me luck Universe!
My Very Own Connection to God
I saw The Wizard of Oz (the musical) here in Toronto this weekend, and it was so much fun, and so well put together…Dorothy was wonderful and she is from my hometown which makes me all the more impressed with her performance. My husband loved it too, which is great considering it was his birthday outing!
After the matinee showing we had some time for a little shopping in Kensington Market and we popped into our favourite health food store and I got a real kick out of all the supplements with “AS SEEN ON DR. OZ” emblazoned on their packaging. Just a little Life imitating Art there! How powerful is Dr. Oz to the marketer of health products!?!? He doesn’t even have to be endorsing a product, just the fact that a particular herb or super fruit is mentioned on his show to have shown some kind of benefit (usually weight loss) is enough to send us skipping like munchkins to the nearest pharmacy, health food store (or Costco) to pick up the latest and greatest. I couldn’t help myself, I picked up a bottle of Garcinia Cambogia that will likely sit in my fridge till it expires (I hate swallowing big pills of any sort) right next to the PGx and MSM and glucosamine and GNC Women’s Multi Packs…
The Scarecrow only really needed a diploma to make him smart, maybe just a few supplements per day could make me fit again, stranger things happen!
This morning I was reading a blog post titled ” Are you having a spiritual awakening?” – It was basically about how many people are seeking a higher level of spirituality and enlightenment and communicating with angels and the universe. Obviously there are gazillions of blog posts about spiritual awakenings and enlightenment across the internet and it just kind of irritated me to read this particular post, I guess because it came through in the context of this is a really remarkable thing. But really, is it?
I mean OF COURSE the masses are in some way or other seeking meaning and enlightenment outside of traditional religion. We have come so far in communication technology, and we are exposed to SO MUCH MORE than even as few as five years ago, we have a world of knowledge and insights literally at our fingertips… It’s all about what you believe is possible. But that isn’t new is it? What’s new is that we believe in so much more possibility because we witness it everyday through media.
Then I look at these stupid shows like Real Housewives of some place or another, or like Jersey Shore and the numbers of people that watch this ridiculous bastardization of “reality” and I think, holy crap if that many people believe in that kind of reality we are in a shit load of trouble!
Being brand new to blogging for just for me, I just love this Prompts for the Promptless, so many beautiful posts have come out this Episode 10 “saudade” prompt, and I am inspired! Thank you thank you thank you!
Saudade (European Portuguese: [sɐwˈðaðɨ], Brazilian Portuguese: [sawˈdadi] or [sawˈdadʒi], Galician: [sawˈðaðe]; plural saudades) is a Portuguese word that has no direct translation in English. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing will never return. A stronger form of saudade may be felt towards people and things whose whereabouts are unknown, such as a lost lover, or a family member who has gone missing.
Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one’s children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.
This is my daughter, 18 years ago. She is 20 now, and away at university. I see her every couple of weeks for short visits but of course I miss her still. She is not my Saudade, the smile in this picture and so many others from this time in her life is my saudade. This kind of sheer joy for no particular reason is exclusive to young children. She doesn’t know what danger lurks outside her walls, she isn’t worried about her education or getting a good job or ever buying a home . Hell she doesn’t even care that she is sporting a really bad “homemade” haircut!
I miss seeing that in her face every day. I miss being responsible for that joy, and I pray that I will get a glimpse of it a few more times before I die!